Tag Archives: ECAW

The Cairo Declaration

There are many ways to differentiate between the two sides currently playing out the Clash of Civilisations which has been going on for 1400 years but which has taken on new and more insidious forms in recent times.

One very telling one is to compare the Western and Islamic attitudes to human rights, as represented by the 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights with its Islamic equivalent the 1990 Cairo Declaration on Human Rights in Islam which was produced by the OIC (Organisation of the Islamic Conference since renamed the Organisation of Islamic Co-operation).

Universal Declaration of Human Rights

I am sure that few Westerners would argue with the selection of rights presented in the UDHR. Nor would I. Most of them should apply in any society which calls itself civilised.

Nevertheless I have to admit to feeling more than a little queasy about them because I do not recognise specifically human rights as rights at all, but merely wishes disguised by impressive sounding words like “fundamental” and “inalienable”. It has always seemed to me that most religions consist of the suggestion that people could be a bit nicer to each other, wrapped up in mumbo jumbo to to hide its obviousness. So it is with the modern secular religion of human rights.

As far as I can see, all rights are conferred on humans by other humans whether formally as in legal rights or informally as in customary rights. The kind which philosophers claim are inherent in humans simply by dint of being human are, I’m sorry to say, only imaginary rights. That’s the trouble with letting philosophers get involved with things like this, they tend to confuse their concepts with actual things – it’s called reification.

But don’t take my word for it. Here is Jeremy Bentham letting rip about Human Rights’ not too distant ancestor Natural Rights:

Natural rights is simple nonsense: natural and imprescriptible [in our modern terms “inalienable”] rights, rhetorical nonsense, — nonsense upon stilts.”

As an example, Article 26 states that everyone has the right to education. Well, no they don’t unless someone else – their parents, their tribe or the state – is prepared to provide it. Likewise with Article 24 which states that everyone has the right to paid holidays.

The idea that humans pop into the world with a list of entitlements which were only discovered 200 years ago after 200,000 years of going unnoticed is….well, see above.

There are problems with believing in things which do not exist. For one thing they can get out of hand. The number of stripes on a zebra are limited by reality. The number of stripes on a unicorn are limited only by the imagination of the believer in unicorns. Thus rapists can now avoid deportation because of their human right to a family life or because of their human right not to be subjected to human rights deficiencies in their homeland.

All that explains why I would feel more comfortable if it was called the Universal Declaration of Human Aspirations. That said, it was clearly written by people with their hearts in the right place. Three things we can say about it are that it is:

1) Universal in that it is intended to apply to every human being regardless of race, sex, religion etc.

2) Benign in its intentions.

3) Honest since (putting aside the well meaning self-deception about the nature of rights) there is no intent to deceive the reader with hidden or deceptive content.

Cairo Declaration on Human Rights in Islam

Firstly, we notice that the title does not include the word “Universal”. That is quite accurate since in Islam different categories of humans qualify for markedly different rights. However it does use the phrase “in Islam” which implies that the conception of human rights presented here applies only within Islam, ie only to Muslims, with no implications for non-Muslims. We will see that this is not the case.

Secondly, Article 24, as shown in the picture above, is of crucial significance because it underlies the whole Declaration:

“All the rights and freedoms stipulated in this Declaration are subject to the Islamic Shari’ah.”

We should bear this in mind when examining selected excerpts from the Declaration. The excerpts are in italics with my highlights in bold like this, followed by comments in standard text.

PREAMBLE

“Reaffirming the civilizing and historical role of the Islamic Ummah which Allah made as the best community….”

This comes from Koran 3:110:
“Ye are the best community sent forth unto mankind….”

The authors of the Declaration were too polite to include the matching verse regarding unbelievers (8:55):
“The vilest of moving creatures with Allah are those who disbelieve….”

“Believing that fundamental rights and freedoms according to Islam are an integral part of the Islamic religion and that no one shall have the right as a matter of principle to abolish them either in whole or in part or to violate or ignore them in as much as they are binding divine commands….”

This prepares us for the reality that the Cairo Declaration is more about proscriptions than rights. Note that this also applies to non-Muslims since the crucial section starts “no one shall have the right….” rather than “no Muslim shall have the right….”.

ARTICLE 1

“All human beings form one family whose members are united by their subordination to Allah….”

One thing the Cairo Declaration is not is universal. Rights for Muslims, non-Muslims, men and women are markedly different. The only universality in the Declaration is that which we find here in Article 1, that of universal subordination to Allah. That does not mean just Muslims but Hindus, Buddhists, Rastafarians, Atheists…and you too, Kafir. And it’s not optional.

“All men are equal in terms of basic human dignity and basic obligations and responsibilities,
without any discrimination on the basis of race, colour, language, belief, sex, religion, political affiliation, social status or other considerations.”

Did the authors of the Declaration think no one would notice these bare faced lies?

Islam was founded on discrimination based on religion….Muslim good, infidel bad. Being a non-Muslim in Medina around 630 AD was a very bad idea, as it still is in Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt etc today.

The same goes for discrimination based on sex….unless “basic human dignity” is characterised by near total domination by father then husband, and lesser legal rights over property, marriage, divorce, children, her own body and testimony in court.

ARTICLE 5

“Men and women have the right to marriage, and no restrictions stemming from race, colour or nationality shall prevent them from exercising this right.”

That’s nice but where is “religion” in that list? Nowhere, because in Islamic law (effectively equivalent to Sharia) Muslim men are allowed to marry non-Muslim women whereas Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men. Since the children in Muslim families have always automatically taken the religion of the father the Muslim population in any mixed society will always grow at the expense of the non-Muslim population.

ARTICLE 6

“Woman is equal to man in human dignity….”

See above.

ARTICLE 9

“The State shall ensure the availability of ways and means to acquire education and shall guarantee its diversity in the interest of the society so as to enable man to be acquainted with the religion of Islam.”

Sounds fine to start with doesn’t it, until it becomes clear what the point of the education is. And, of course, it is not just Muslims who are to become acquainted with Islam but “man”. Islam has always been a proselytising religion….by fair means (dawah) or foul (jihad).

ARTICLE 10

“Islam is the religion of true unspoiled nature. It is prohibited to exercise any form of pressure on man or to exploit his poverty or ignorance in order to force him to change his religion to another religion or to atheism.”

This of course means to change his Muslim religion to another religion or atheism.

ARTICLE 11

“Human beings are born free, and no one has the right to enslave, humiliate, oppress or exploit them, and there can be no subjugation but to Allah the Almighty.”

Human beings are of course not born free into Islam. They are immediately slaves of Allah. That’s how he refers to his followers throughout the Koran. The popular name “Abdul” means “slave of Allah”. All that is recognised in the phrase “no subjugation but to Allah the Almighty”. The problem comes when humans take on subjugating duties on his behalf. Just as an example, what is likely to happen when a Muslim decides to reject Allah?

Come to think of it, aren’t the authors of the Declaration accusing Mohammed of being a human rights abuser? He certainly enslaved the women and children of the Banu Qurayza tribe (after executing the men) and the protection racket he instituted, known as jizyah, was specifically intended to humiliate, oppress and exploit subjugated non-Muslims:

“Fight those who do not believe in Allah or in the Last Day and who do not consider unlawful what Allah and His Messenger have made unlawful and who do not adopt the religion of truth from those who were given the Scripture – [fight] until they give the jizyah willingly while they are humbled.” (Koran 9:29)

ARTICLE 19

“All individuals are equal before the law, without distinction between the ruler and the ruled.”

But plenty of distinctions between Muslims and non-Muslims and between men and women.

“There shall be no crime or punishment except as provided for in the Shari’ah.”

This is interesting, and shows the predominance in the OIC of Saudi Arabia which really does adhere to Article 19. Only they and a few other countries do so. The majority of Muslim countries retained large parts of the European Colonists’ legal systems and yet they endorsed the Declaration. Can it be that all the 45 OIC signatory countries have a hankering for the old ways?

Article 22

“Everyone shall have the right to express his opinion freely in such manner as would not be contrary to the principles of the Shari’ah.”

In other words everyone is free to express any opinion as long as it does not criticise Allah, Mohammed or Islam. And remember the Sharia applies to you too.

“Everyone shall have the right to advocate what is right, and propagate what is good, and warn against what is wrong and evil according to the norms of Islamic Shari’ah.”

But you see, jihad is good according to Sharia and freedom of conscience is wrong.

In any case, this is a toned down version of the Sharia based duty to “command the right and forbid the wrong” which goes a good deal further than mere advocating and warning. According to The Reliance of the Traveller, a handy guide to Islamic Law, sanctions against wrong-doing (which can be applied vigilante style) range from “explaining” to “force of arms”.

“Information is a vital necessity to society. It may not be exploited or misused in such a way as may violate sanctities and the dignity of Prophets, undermine moral and ethical Values or disintegrate, corrupt or harm society or weaken its faith.”

As with so many of the above articles this is not a right but a proscription. That’s Islam for you but, you know what, the same authoritarian mindset can be found in our own Western controllers of information today who shadow ban and close the accounts of offenders against prevailing left/liberal orthodoxies. Just change a few words….

“Information is a vital necessity to society. It may not be exploited or misused in such a way as may violate politically correct sanctities and the dignity of favoured identity groups, undermine globalist Values or disintegrate, corrupt or harm the Left’s cultural dominance or weaken the faith of the indoctrinated.”

ARTICLE 24

“All the rights and freedoms stipulated in this Declaration are subject to the Islamic Shari’ah.”

Here we come to the nub of the matter. Throughout the Declaration we routinely find curtailments of what Westerners would regard as rights, as though the UDHR has been laid on the Procrustean bed of Sharia and found to be too long, which means too generous, too fair, too free. What the Cairo Declaration presents is not Human Rights at all but Sharia Rights – miserable, hobbling facsimiles of the originals.

Bad enough for those primarily affected, Muslims, but non-Muslims should be aware that Sharia has a place for them too, and it’s not a good place. In Sharia there is only one true religion and it is entitled to dominate all the others, which in effect means Muslims dominating infidels. Saps in the West cannot imagine that this is the reality of Islam but if they dared to examine how non-Muslims are treated in Muslim majority countries around the world they would understand. As it is, with demographic changes in the West showing no sign of doing anything but accelerating, they will soon enough have the chance to experience it for themselves.

ARTICLE 25

“The Islamic Shari’ah is the only source of reference for the explanation or clarification of any of the articles of this Declaration.”

Islamic Sharia is invoked throughout the Declaration so you would need to know what it consists of before you can understand what the Declaration means. No source for the Islamic Sharia is referenced in the Declaration so anyone accepting it is buying a pig in a poke.

It is extraordinarily difficult to get a straight answer to the question “Where can I find the Sharia?” from any imam. It appears to consist in a massive, scattered collection of fatwas and legal rulings. Fortunately there are a few manuals of Islamic Law which have been translated into English and give the enquiring infidel a key to the Declaration. They all have things to say about relations between Muslims and non-Muslims which give the lie to many claims made in the Declaration, for instance the statement in Article 1 that:

“All men are equal in terms of basic human dignity and basic obligations and responsibilities, without any discrimination on the basis of race, colour, language, belief, sex, religion…”

This is what the Hanafi manual of Islamic Law, the Hedaya (Book 9 p.140) has to say about discrimination against non-Muslims on the basis of religion:

“War must be carried on against the infidels, at all times, by some party of the Mussulmans. The sacred injunction concerning war is sufficiently observed when it is carried on by any one party or tribe of the Mussulmans; and it is then no longer of any force with respect to the rest. It is established as a divine ordinance, by the word of God, who has said, in the Koran ‘SLAY THE INFIDELS’; and also by a saying of the prophet, ‘war is permanently established until the day of judgment’.”

So how does the Cairo Declaration shape up on the 3 criteria above? It is:

1) Universal regarding the subordination of all humans to Allah but not so much for humans themselves.

2) Benign for Muslim males at least. Again not so much for anyone else.

3) Honest about the fact that that Islamic human rights equals Sharia but dishonest in kidding us about equal respect for non-Muslims and women, and dishonest in hiding from the reader what Sharia actually entails.

While Muslims routinely play Western human rights for all they are worth in that branch of jihad known as “lawfare”, the OIC have made it clear here what human rights we can expect when they are in a position to dictate them. We should be grateful to them at least for the warning.

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Fear

a-Crescent

Let’s be clear. Mohammed was a bloodthirsty megalomaniac and Allah, his imaginary enforcer, is a sadistic petty tyrant who promises to torture you and your children with fire and molten metal for eternity. Islam is not just a religion but also a cruel, domineering, totalitarian ideology which shares much with Nazism, including the demented hatred of Jews.

It only survives because people are indoctrinated at the entrance and threatened with death at the exit. It demands respect not only from its own adherents but from non-Muslims who it instructs believers to convert or subjugate. Anyone who demands respect instead deserves only contempt, as does any organisation which kills those who leave it. Offhand I can only think of Islam and the Mafia which do this.

Since the Aztec religion went out of business and Christians stopped burning each other there has been no other contender for the position of the world’s nastiest religion.

All of this seems obvious to me, and to many other people who have bothered to dip into the Koran and the Hadiths. I know this because they tell me so, having first looked around to check that no one is within earshot. Even then they whisper. You would be a fool not to, wouldn’t you? Everyone knows that bad things happen when you tell the truth about Islam.

The first consequence would be the shocked cries of “Racist”, “Hate Monger” and “Islamophobe”. All these are patently rubbish, and irritating in their idiocy. If you are reading this you probably know why but just in case you’ve strayed in here by mistake, let me explain:

1. Islam is not a race. The fact that most Muslims are several shades browner than I am is irrelevant except to people who are so obsessed with race that they see it everywhere. My enemies include Samantha Lewthwaite, Richard Dart and Terry Lee Loewen, all as white as a swan’s neck. My friends include Ibn Warraq, Wafa Sultan, Nonie Darwish, Ali Sina and Ayaan Hirsi Ali, coming respectively from Pakistan, Syria, Egypt, Iran and Somalia. I thank a God I don’t believe in for the help they give us kuffar in understanding the danger of Islam.

2. These people above are not hate mongers. Wafa Sultan correctly locates the primary source of hatred in Allah, “The God who Hates“. She ends her book hoping that in time her efforts “will be crowned with success and a new god will be born; a God who loves”. Nor am I a hate monger. I have hated one or two people in my time and I know what it feels like. I do not hate Muslims. I merely pity them in their benightedness and fear those of them who follow Mohammed’s teachings and example too closely.

3. It really is amazing that the weasel word “Islamophobia” has not yet died of embarrassment. Just look around the world, at the actions of the Taliban, Boko Haram and ISIS, all of which appear to be doing pretty much what Mohammed and his companions did, and tell me that fear of Islam is irrational. That would be taking delusion beyond the call of duty even for the most deluded among us, Guardian readers.

Anyone would be ostracised from polite society for pointing these things out. I know that if I ever breathed a word of this out loud I would never dine in Hampstead again, not that I ever have before but there’s always the possibility. It is just not polite to call a 7th century death cult a 7th century death cult. We all value politeness but is it possible that our civilization will be the first to actually die of it?

The second consequence would be legal, stemming from the ill-judged hate speech legislation which looks very much like a de facto blasphemy law to protect Muslims from being offended. The right of rude free speech which our parents took for granted has been curtailed because we all know that when Muslims are offended there will be a price to pay. Did you know that it is now possible to be arrested for quoting Winston Churchill on the subject of Islam, as was Paul Weston of the Liberty GB party on the steps of Winchester Guildhall? Would the same happen to Churchill if he came back today? What about Gladstone who famously called the Koran “an accursed book” and declared to the House of Commons “So long as there is this book there will be no peace in the world”?

As an example, a couple in Edinburgh were recently convicted of the heinous crime of wrapping pieces of bacon around the door handles of a mosque, then throwing them inside. No one was injured by the flying pig meat, nor was there any structural damage but a security guard said his feelings were hurt. The couple received sentences of 9 and 12 months respectively. Can you imagine anything so stupid, or to use a distinctively British expression, so “effing bloody stupid”?

The third consequence, of course, would be the death threats and possible actual death which automatically follow serious criticism of the religion of peace. We saw that when someone drew a cartoon of Mohammed with a bomb in his turban and the world erupted. What on earth could have prompted the cartoonist to depict the apostle thus, just because there are bombs being set off around the world in his name as we speak?

Who is brave enough to speak out in the face of all this?

Not Grayson Perry, for instance. In 2007 the anti-religious artist admitted that he did not address Islam in his work “…because I don’t want my throat cut”. Very sensible too; the only question is whether he suffers more from Islamophobia or simple decapitophobia.

Not the BBC which would not show a very innocuous “Jesus and Mo” cartoon because they feared for the safety of their staff in Pakistan. Nor Channel 4 which slipped over into absurdity by showing the cartoon with Mo covered by a black oval. If only they were being satirical, but they were not. Both organisations claimed they were practising “responsible journalism”.

And not me either, that’s for sure. Obviously, any movement needs the odd martyr but I’d rather it wasn’t me if at all possible. That’s why I cower behind throw away email addresses and proxy servers. Neverthess it really is incumbent on us somehow to try to challenge the lies we are told and to ridicule the ridiculous.

This is what I suggest, let’s all own up to our fear and stop calling our silence politeness. It could be empowering. Start small. Wear an “Islam sucks” T-shirt, obviously under your shirt, but you’ll know it’s there. Next, when challenged on what you really believe about Islam say “Unfortunately I cannot respond. I have a job to lose and a reputation to protect”. Wear a white feather backed by a green crescent on your lapel. When you see me with mine give me a wink. In time scores of us…hundreds…even thousands may become bold enough to march together bravely holding banners aloft declaring “Afraid and Proud” and “Embrace your Fear”. Who knows where it could lead?

Anyway, don’t worry about me. I’m safe enough tapping away here in my garret. I might be unconscionably rude about the perfect man but, apart from anything else, I know I am protected by my own obscurity. Fortunately no one reads this, and you won’t let on will you? Hang on a mo, there’s someone at the door. At one in the morning? That’s odd. Hold on, I’ll be right back………………………………………………………………………………………………

Isn’tlam

caravan

I have to admit I used to be down on Islam but after some serious thought and soul searching I realised that there is potentially a lot of benefit in it, especially for people like me. It’s just the beliefs that grate. Drop them and the religion of peace really has a lot going for it. What we need is a really secular Islam. If there are people who call themselves atheist Christians why not atheist Muslims? Let’s ditch Allah for a start, he gets everything wrong about his own universe and he’s a bully to boot. No flying donkeys or seven heavens for me, just the very male-friendly ideology and social arrangements. Not a moderate Islam, nor an Islam lite but a truly radical departure, Isn’tlam.

The first people I approached about this new religion happened to be Scots who said “Awa’ an’ muckle ya grombeen sassenach”, or something like that, so I have decided to reserve a special venom in the teachings for all Scots for all time. They will be referred to as the McKafir and will henceforth be the cause of all your misfortunes through their conspiracies and their refusal to see the truth. So even they have their uses.

There will be a new shahada, “There is no God and ECAW is his prophet”. Say this three times, perhaps with a little twirl or something for dramatic effect, and you’re in. I’m hoping to spin off franchises. You get to wear a big hat and talk nonsense to the gullible. Discourage questioning of the faith, it only causes upset. Caravan raiding? That’s fine – how could it not be? They’re an eyesore, and regularly clog up the roads to the West Country. I get one fifth of the booty.

What’s in it for the believer, you ask. Well, it’s a licence to behave badly, specifically for men to behave badly, reverting to our true 7th century natures as we all long to do, if it wasn’t for those pesky feminists telling us off all the time. Sex slaves – why not? Cuts out all this equality guff and it saves a fortune in chocolates and flowers.

As for your wives, well no more headaches accepted, they are a tilth unto you. But treat them well, for they are as domestic animals. Are they causing trouble? Forsake them in bed (yeah, that’ll work) or why not skip straight to the beating option?

Got an ugly wife? Put a bag over her head, even better put a bag over her whole body. No one wants to see her wobbling down the street. Persuade her it’s for the sake of modesty. She’ll buy it, after all she is deficient in her intelligence, and train her to tell the Kafir about the exalted position of women in Isn’tlam.

Remember always to try to gain special privileges from the Kafir, and encroach on the public space of everyone else, all the time extolling the virtues of mutual respect. If there is resistance whine and make up tales of Isn’tlamophobic attacks. If that doesn’t work issue death threats.

Guardian types will always be on your side. There’s practically nothing you can do that will penetrate their cultural sensitivity. Just throw them some postmodernist babble from time to time, and nuance – they love nuance. They’ll give you a free pass, after all it’s your culture. Things will be much the same with the representatives of Chrisn’tianity when it appears. We will need to create interfaith dialogue with them, the kind where they sincerely seek common ground and go home feeling good about themselves and we string them along. The saps will buy it if they’re as soppy as the real Christians. We need to build bridges but only one way.

Isn’tlam is still supremacist, of course, but I’m a little queasy about all that smiting their necks stuff myself. I favour the higher jihad but if you prefer the real thing be my guest. Schisms and persecutions are very acceptable. They add vibrancy.

Remember, it is the fastest growing religion in the world. It went from zero to one believer in just half an hour. That’s an infinite increase, and if I can convert my brother in law when I see him at the weekend it will have doubled again.

So there we are then, Isn’tlam, everything a modern 7th century man could want in a religion. All the benefits of the desert warriors’ creed without those ridiculous supernatural beliefs or the fear of hell. Get out there and spread the faith. Just remember – one fifth of the booty.

20 years from now

(Written in 2014 – some minor deviations already!)

Version 1.

2034. There are whole cities officially under sharia where the police and non-Muslims do not venture. In the rest of the country a blasphemy law prevents criticism of the one true faith yet in the semi-autonomous region of Deenistan, formerly known as Lancashire, it is illegal to repair churches and Christians have to pay a special tax. The first stoning takes place in the Old Trafford football stadium. Naturally there are no Jews left in the country. Armed militias battle it out with other kinds of Muslims and the Kuffar, just like on the other side of the Channel. Whole neighbourhoods are regularly ablaze. After the Italian Navy set up an EU funded ferry service from Libya, and Italy and France co-operated on the high speed Brindisi to Dover rail link, the Muslim population has swollen to 23%, officially. White flight continues apace but in the Celtic fringes they say “What did you ever do for me, Englishman?”.

Multiculturalism has become Balkanization. The puzzle of the “moderate Muslim” has been solved. The King Faisal Stock Exchange is the centre of world Islamic finance. The young King George, a recent revert, and his beautiful Queen Ayesha (though it’s hard to tell behind that niqab) have turned Buckingham Palace into a centre for the propagation of the faith. Tony Blair and Anjem Choudary sit in the House of Elders, both bearing the title “Hero of Islam”. After numerous blue on blue incidents it has been decided to set up two independent armed forces. The Muslim Brotherhood, the third largest political party, whose offices occupy the top six floors of Canary Wharf, have joined a coalition with the United Kingdom Survival Party in return for a guarantee of free passage in and out of the country for forces of the Caliphate.

A goup called the UAF, having served their purpose, have succumbed to a short campaign of throat cutting. Those who once read the now defunct newspaper “The Guardian” wring their hands and say “It wasn’t meant to be like this”. Old men who tell tales of the Tower Hamlets demo of 2013 look their grandchildren in the eye and say “I tried”.

Version 2.

2015. After a string of low level attacks from the Syrian returnees, MI5 admits there are more extremists than they can possibly monitor. David Cameron insists that the situation has nothing to do with Islam. Boris Johnson, spotting his opportunity, suggests it might have something to do with Islam. Nick Clegg witters about a great salvation religion.

2016. The mood of the country turns ugly after the Bluewater shopping centre massacre but the tide really begins to turn when jihadis plant a bomb outside the offices of the Guardian (the ungrateful swine!). The truth of the old saying “a reactionary is a liberal who’s been blown up” is borne out. An article appears in the Guardian with the title “Diversity bad, Unity good” and another one suggesting that the British Empire did some useful things.

The Pact of Umar is sometimes mentioned at Hampstead dinner parties. It is no longer considered smart to say that Britain has been multicultural since the Jutes. Solicitors who coach asylum seekers through the regulations no longer find “I’m a human rights lawyer” serves as a good chat up line.

EDL demonstrations attract tens of thousands. The occasional journalist and MP start to refer to them as “patriots”.

Mo Ansar, who has not appeared on TV since it was discovered that he was not actually a lawyer and Imam, and Fiyaz Mughal, a mendacious grievance-mongering taqiyya artist, also down on his luck, complain to anyone who will listen that it’s all so unfair.

The BBC stop pretending that IS and Boko Haram are unIslamic.

It becomes widely known that there is more Jew-hatred in the Koran than in Mein Kampf.

The “Ibaana” programme intended to deradicalise extremist prisoners is suspended when one of the Imams involved is found to be teaching his charges bomb making.

2017. The Cameron government falls and the new prime minister Michael Gove announces a state of emergency, declaring “Both sides know there is a war on now”. He recants on his earlier view that the problem is not Islam but “the specifically 20th century phenomenon of Islamism”.

As an experiment Ed Miliband takes a stroll through Tower Hamlets one evening wearing his skull cap. After he recovers the Labour Party gives limited support to the government. Alas, there are no more Liberal Democrat MPs to give anything to anyone.

Individual liberties are sharply curtailed, as in any time of war:

Plans are put in place for a national identity card programme.

Sharia courts are banned along with sharia compliant legal and financial instruments.

The hate speech legislation, widely seen as a de facto blasphemy law, is revoked.

New, tighter restrictions are placed on the building of mosques, incuding the banning of foreign funding. All sermons have to be given in English. Mosques found encouraging jihad are to be demolished.

A Royal Commission is set up under the chairmanship of ex-Muslim scholar IQ al Rassooli to consider such questions as whether the Medina suras of the Koran should be banned completely and whether religious scriptures should lose their exempt status regarding the crime of incitement to murder. Critics claim that there are also calls to genocidal violence in the Bible but after research is carried out it is found that there are no more Amalekites to be concerned about it either way.

Robert Spencer and Pamela Geller are asked to give evidence and are invited to tea at Buckingham Palace where Theresa May offers a fulsome apology for banning them in 2013.

Halal meat has to be clearly labelled. It is made illegal to serve it to diners in restaurants and public institutions without their knowledge and consent.

The Charity Commission draft in a team of forensic accountants to ascertain where all that zakat is really going.

Schoolchildren are taught the truth about Mohammed the bloodthirsty warlord. A core syllabus is set up emphasising British values and history.

2018. The government sends the Muslim Brotherhood packing, along with all the other factions they got so chummy with in the old Londonistan days.

Changes are made to the welfare system designed to halt dangerous demographic trends. Sikhs and Hindus say that if indigenous Brits can’t be bothered to reproduce then they will do their best to step into the breach.

There is a five year moratorium on all immigration from OIC countries apart from persecuted non-Muslim minorities.

2019. Ken Livingston and George Galloway decamp to Sweden where they are still welcome.

Translation facilities in public services are slashed and the money saved is put into English language teaching.

2020. Identity cards are issued to everyone entitled to be in Britain. Those who do not qualify are deported. Work starts on the backlog of illegal immigrants.

The government declares Islam a special case because of its dual nature; the private devotional religion (which is welcome) and the political aspect of supremacism, sharia and jihad (which is not). Muslims are required to swear an oath of loyalty to Britain superseding their loyalty to Islam. If they do not accept they have their citzenship revoked and are deported, along with their dependants, to any country which will have them or, as a last resort, Sudan with which Britain has come to an arrangement.

2021. After an economic version of cold fusion is perfected the price of oil falls by 70%. Bloody riots ensue around the Gulf and rulers leave for Switzerland to be near to their money.

2022. Young Muslims start to look at the Koran and ask “What is this bollocks?”

Mehdi Hasan becomes a Seventh Day Adventist, saying “Thank God I stepped into the light. The cognitive dissonance was killing me”.

2024. Matthew Goodwin, the social scientist who once called for the censoring of polls which could provide support for Islamophobes, publishes a book proving that the only way to coexist with Muslims is to limit their proportion in any given population to no more than 2.5%.

2026. Muslims publicly apostasize in such numbers that the fear of reprisals loses its force. They march with placards saying “Mohammed was a monster”. Death threats from the Muslim community dry up.

2028. Sufism becomes the dominant branch of Islam in Britain.

2029. Muslims begin to display a rudimentary sense of humour.

2030. Members of the UAF drift away, embarrassed at their former foolishness. Some of them get proper jobs.

2032. Geert Wilders is awarded the Nobel Peace prize for helping to avert in Europe the horrors we see in the great Sunni/Shia convulsions of the Muslim heartlands.

2033. The proportion of self identifying Muslims stabilises at 2%. They are once again seen as an exotic and welcome addition to the life of the country.

2034. Everyone lives happily ever after.